Needless to say, wine tasting turned into wine chugging
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
I mean, as I was vomiting in front of a giant crucifix I became acutely aware of my poor choices
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
Randomize
