It's true. Ladies love me because I'm so strong and they feel safe. Not because of my pseudo charm and their impaired judgement after several drinks...
That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Its like common courtesy of dating, the guy pays for the weed, just like dinner
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Mark my words I will never date another cop again. I don't care if he's JESUS.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
THERE ARE NO EMOJIS TO SHOW MY SEXUAL FRUSTRATION
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