New Low: Just set a reminder on my phone for me to check on things I need to harvest late on Farmville.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
it's like heaven, but drunker
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
How was the party? Lets put it this way: "He wants her dick" was a factual sentence stated last night.
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
tell your brother to quit sending me his dick pics what am i going to do with them print them out and shove them up my ass???
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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