Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I need moral support for this bender
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
You put on some guys Birkenstocks that were abandoned on the dance floor overtop of your flats. Then ran out of the bar high gives the bouncer and said "look at my new kicks" then he was like woah wait a minute someone is missing those and made you return them. You were very upset
Woohoo! Instead of a pregnancy test you can buy me a burrito
I'm planning our wedding on the computer and our threesome on my phone. At the same time.
You know, this is NOT how I pictured my life would be when I was younger, and yet here we are.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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