is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
fuck that im pissed. when I come back im ripping forskin off.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
IM FILLED WITH SANDWICHES AND SELF LOATHING
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