I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
there is a school bus full of santas parked in front of the liquor store
pop tarts are not kleenex
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
You need a sexual gate keeper
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
Randomize
