ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Home remedy for the herp. Black tea. I need to strap teabags to my wang.
I knew he was a nice guy, because when we switched positions he flipped the mattress so I wouldn't have to lay in a pool of his sweat.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
We still on for coffee?
Cream and sugar. Deliver to planned parenthood in 45.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Ha! Just garden hosed my vag and thought of you.
dude. I can hear the air.
Randomize
