whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I don't know. I just have an affinity for nudity when I'm drunk.
How the hell am I supposed to tell that to a group of eight year olds?! It was three in the afternoon for fucks sake!
Ps he swallowed my earring last night so yeah
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
Randomize
