hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
Just tell him to eat fruit before so it tastes good. Then it's just like shotgunning a smoothie
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I told you naked hot tub wrestling would turn bad now one of us has a gash on the head and another a black eye
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
