ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
Countdown til Saturday. I'd assume we're somewhere around 10,000 bottles of beer on the wall.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
Boats looked like robot pelicans and time was slow and now im on wipe out
Tranny group. Dance off. Horse hair and dicks swinging. I. Cant. Unsee. This.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I believe in your delicious
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
