Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
I am one Jewel song away from suicide watch
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
Well I kept shouting "you're groovy" at him and then I had a 15-minute argument with the bouncer about how many 9s there are in 100... it was definitely time to go home.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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