I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
What is this red stuff in a water bottle in my fridge that's labeled "not for baby turtles"?
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
he said verbatim, he wants to "bang you hard".
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize
