that's the ideal party shoe. cute, but i can still puke in them.
dude are you gonna smoke tonight? my day was shit and I wanna get high
worker bees can leave....even drones can fly away....the queen is their slave
nevermind....I'm on the way
We can't all go after the girl with the low self-esteem
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
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