Someone just asked me to go to the dining hall for dinner and he will use one of his swipes to pay for my meal. i think this is a college version of a date
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Apparently I grabbed her ponytail and cut it with an exacto knife.
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
How was my weekend? I just blew my nose and a gram of coke fell out. My weekend was fantastic.
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I just want my birth control to stop making me feel like I'm watching baby seals get clubbed to death any time anything even remotely unpleasant happens lol
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
This is it. This is the birthday cake that gets me laid.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
wouldn't be a true Fourth of July without dropping acid at 9pm on a Monday
FREEDOM
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