i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
I just remembered that last night when we tried to walk off the spins you said "pretend i'm your pet dinosaur" so i walked you around on an invisible leash while you made t-rex hissing noises.
I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
He made me hold his dick and say "I solemnly swear that I'm up to no good"
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
My house exploded and with it all my pot went up in smoke.
Randomize
