That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
I've already agreed to hook up with 3 people tonight, and its not even 2:00 yet... I think this is what the path to success looks like.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
And for some reason every time I get drunk I just want to tell you that I have a mini secret personal fan club of your dick
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
I'm still very high. To be blunt. No pun intended.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
