your address is 607B right?
yeah why?
i need to tell the guy bringing over the flaming bag of dog shit where to put it
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Jen gave my number to some guy she met in NY. He sent me a picture of his weiner. He had nice shoes. I replied with a pic of bacon.
When in doubt always reply with bacon.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
This morning I found four opened yet full beers on my desk and my towel rack pulled off the wall and in bed with me
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
