Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
i remember too much of last night for it to have been successful
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
You slammed your face into the toilet and declared you were moving your bed into the bathroom in the morning. Also, you insisted on crawling everywhere because feet are "overrated."
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Do you ever wake up and realize playing beer pong with your parents wasnt a dream? Your mom really beat you
Every dick I’ve had or wanted in the last year is married. It’s like I became a professional home wrecker after I graduated.
there's a bowling ball in the dishwasher and a dog bone in the freezer
Randomize
