I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
Like some sort of pot growing robin hood.
Unless your apartment has 3 am pancakes Im not coming over.
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I need a good cry or an orgasm and neither of them are gonna happen to me and i'm so frustrated
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
