If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
I smelled him yesterday and almost relapsed he's like cocaine
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
Randomize
