Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
My financial aid advisors would be so pissed if they knew I was spending my loan money on strippers
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Did you get the "i have a yeast infection from that wet frat bathroom floor" text?
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
I had a dream that my roommate walked in on me masturbating and I hissed "I'm not stopping this orgasm train for the likes of you" and just kept going
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
i’m blowing bubbles in my bloody mary so yeah it’s pretty much time to go
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