We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
If you hook up with your cousin you will permanently be my favorite person ever.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
I looked the guy across the room straight in the eyes and said, "If you were any closer to me, we'd be making out right now."
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
Is using cherry lube as jam shameful or hilarious
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Me too like the fact they didn't arrest me wants to send them an edible arrangement
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
Randomize
