i think ur clone was at the club last week. she slapped some tall girl in the face who tried to steal her spot on the podium. i dont know if ur like her, but she seemd like a ninja badass with superpowers
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Opened the browser on my phone to a web search for midget birth rates per capita. A good night.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
rest in peace liver.
It was nice having you occupy space in my body that could be holding beer n chicken.
that's going in my livers obituary.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
Randomize
