so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
hell no. last time, i couldn't pee straight for a week.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
So far we've hooked up on a pool table, on a public bathroom counter and now in a little league baseball dugout. We haven't even made to a house yet.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
Randomize
