Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I don't remember. I remember laying in the trunk of a car. For hours.
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
seriously when did my vagina become a soup kitchen for the poor
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
I am at Brians in a pirate costume, what the hell am I thinking
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
i like beer, sex, and cooking. what more can he want?
Randomize
