So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
well i just had my first "when i graduated college she was 12" morning
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
Pretty sure if we keep hanging out on Tuesdays there will be no whiskey left for the younger generations or the universe will implode....tomato tahmato
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Randomize
