Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
My aunt totally just drunk dialed me when i was super stoned, it was so intense
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
You disinfected one of his friends, buttered the jeans of the other one. And you poured every liquid you could reach on the floor, including cooking oil and green tea. It wasnt a great first impression
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Randomize
