The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
So theres a slight possibility i may not graduate according to planned because i was out getting laid instead of studying. And im okay with that.
i am about to cut my stepbrother's hair into a mohawk with the same clippers i use to trim my pubes. god is so on my side today.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
lit a joint with my parents wedding matches today, this is what happens when you're out of lighter fluid. didnt even feel guilty.
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Thank you for stroking my rage monster tonight.
I may have dislocated my hip getting fucked on the bathroom counter
Randomize
