so she asked me if I thought she was fat and naturally I said no..... but I think she might catch on
who is she? I really hope you have an explanation cause either you think I'm fat or you're cheating on me
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
I'm buying you potatoes, the least you could do is not ask any fucking questions and just say thank you.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
The bald eagles cry cause u drink canadian beer.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Turns out she left way earlier. So I'm stuck with this guy asking where he can score meth and if I'm really straight.
i was sitting in the back of a squad car completely stoned watching airplanes take off
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Tell me why i'm looking through my medical records and the last thing it said about my labor was 'vagina was explored'!?
Text me some of your sweat
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
