my orientation roommate looks just like New York of Flavor Flav fame
I'm timing the release of my poops to the sound of the machine gun from the video game he's playing in the living room.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
You are like a prophet. It's amazing how many people you convince to be lesbians.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
We were destined to go to rehab together
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
Frankly, since I met you, I practically exist in a state of constant readiness for sex
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
