he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
i rearranged my furniture so i could masturbate in the sun. how's that for spring cleaning?
STOP PUTTING PICTURES OF JONAH HILL IN MY KITCHEN CABINETS!
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
FUCK WHALES
how do I say, without sounding slutty... That I can take a dick?
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
