I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Going out so taking the 2nd 1/2 of beer w/ me ont'tube in a Pringles tube. I give money to people on the street that have more self respect.
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Sometimes the gods of alcohol choose to take you on a mysterious journey and you just have to go with it
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
I bet I give better head than any other PTA mom.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
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