Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
i just had to google what happens if your dog eats your nuva ring
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
Just saw a woman in bootie shorts and a winter coat at the library. God. Bless. Prostitutes.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
he started frosting cupcakes and licking the mini-spatula realllllly deliberately and i don't know if i'm more attracted to him or the cupcakes
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
I know it's 10:30am but Finding Dory starts in an hour, and I have four points of molly. You down?
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