I feel like I'm in dance class right now
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I can't handle dick pics with conversational captions
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
We need to get me chipped asap
He stopped in the middle of us fucking so he could turn on lithuanian techno music. And the sad thing is that it was the best sex of my life.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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