and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
I might not be able to enter cuba but that doesn't mean that a cuban can't enter me
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Yup he definitely fell asleep. I'm trying to bone an old man
i'm face down in a ditch right now please help this is not a metaphor for my life this is real.
I just found your ripped underwear on my chandelier. Care to explain?
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
