i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
And nobody saved him?? That chick had like three teeth TOPS
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
Just peed off a cliff while playing white snake on my phone. Close enough?
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.
If you're wondering about the mess, we had sex in the kitchen. There was noodles involved.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
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