I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
Just found out the guy that gave me herpes died. now everytime I get a flare up, it'll be like he's coming back to say hello
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
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