Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
his fiance had made him a calendar of pictures of her. he asked if he should take it down and i said no. i wanted her to watch.
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
These freshman guys were trying to holler at me from their window, and I realized about 20 minutes too late that the best possible reaction at that time would've been screaming "FLACCID PENIS". Oh, and I found this awesome zombie charm bracelet you would love.
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
Sorry for pissing on y'all's floor last night
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
