two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
Mass text to all of my back up boy toys. First one here wins. Mama needs some.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
i cant believe im seriously wearing his ex girlfriends underwear right now
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
Potholders are an underrated garment. Especially naked.
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
