HOW IN THE HELL DID YOU BLOW A .24?????
We were watching I'm a celebrity get me out of here and taking shots every time heidi said HALLELUJAH, and started spraying her hair with that stupid dry shampoo shit....and we only watched the last half hour.
A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
dude, i warned you that using a card to pay for my hotel room was a bad idea. You deserve the extra $600 in cleaning fees
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
If I could figure out how to do him with his wranglers on you would never see me again.
Randomize
