Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
i wasnt sure i had a crush on her until i woke up this morning and saw i had googled fifteen variations of "lesbian marriage in estonia". where the fuck is estonia
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
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