I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
I can't remember last night. I must have yelled at your girlfriend til she cried again.
Yup.
If i need to get strippers involved i will.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
I just want you to know how happy I am that you are circumcised.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
I just got into the cab. It smells like weed and the driver looks like someone who may or may not be really talented at playing the saxophone. He also asked me my thoughts on porn when I told him I'm an actor. I might not make it home.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Dad danced on top of the bar with me last night. And has a video of me doing a beer bong.
Randomize
