Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Does the blue bra belong to your sister or cousin?
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
looked up people from my old yearbooks. 3 ex boyfriends are gay. im getting drunk now.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Randomize
