I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Washing the last semen-stained shirt you have really solidifies a breakup. It just got real.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
i'm only riding in the trunk because they put the case of beer back here..
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I'm not sure if I should pay him or he should pay me, but someone should get paid for the sex I had this morning.
Randomize
