allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
I was so drunk, I was kissing everyone. Their sexual preference was none of my concern.
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
