Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
Warning...her vagina is big, like sleeping bag big.
I was eating out this girl yesterday and when I finished, she asked me if I wanted to take any home with me. She was serious, dude!
What does that even mean?
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
I probably shouldn't be taking relationship advice from my side piece...
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
