Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
We're friends. And when I drunkenly send u a pic of my left testicle i would appreciate a response.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
Seriously-without actually meaning the statement for it's words- that made me want to put a baby in you.
Why does my therapist keep calling when I jerk off?
Told my brother the truth how I meet her...I grabbed the first thing I could when the cops came. 10 months later we are engaged.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
He's literally cuddling with the washer and dryer.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
Randomize
