I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
There is an old man sitting across from me. Phone rang and his ringtone is children giggling, I'm not safe here.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
my 3 favorite things in life are tequila, dicks, and making sandwiches. that DOES NOT make me a bad person.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
