She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
officially spring now- first drug bust of the season across the street.
There's three frat guys comparing how you were in bed. apparently you have gotten worse with time
I have got to stop getting laid on my lunch breaks. I AM SO HUNGRY RIGHT NOW.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
We need to put it on a rope attached to the bong, so it can't be dropped. Apparently, you need a stem safety leash.
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Even when you're down just know that I will always be the one to pour alcohol into your asshole when you're on probation
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I never thought it would be so hard to find a power hour partner at 2 on a Wednesday
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
