I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Yo dont text me then not text me
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
What a whore. She reminds me of that asian guy who can eat all the hotdogs.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
From one hot mess to another... Get it together.
So I guess I bought a cat last night. Fuuuccckkk.
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
