You guys coming?
We are smoking out the bouncer? But after that sure
We were so bored at work tonight that we were in dry storage taking turns pouring the boxed wine we use for cooking into each others' mouths. I think I'm starting to understand the "problem" aspect of "drinking problem."
you kept running across the street. everytime you made it across successfully you took something off. can't believe there were no cops around...
oh thats it?
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
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