you had "tips for anal sex" in your google search history this morning. how was your sunday night?
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
So if we break up over this are you still gonna come over and do my dishes?
Theres been so much buildup for our genitals to meet, one or both of us is sure to be disappointed.
I should have to wear a sign around the rest of the day so everyone knows the shame I feel.
Wish i knew who the f is sending me pics of asian newborns.
And there might be a gallon of sangria without the lid on the floor in your room. Just be careful when you open the door.
I just can't have sex with a guy who has nicer eyebrows than me
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
I tried to roll down the stairs in a ball. I have bruises, the pain is too much.
What the fuck, why would you ever do that?
Haven't you ever just wanted to be a ball?
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
Randomize
