I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
if reincarnation is for serious, i better be a guy in my next life
with a huge shlong
massive. i wanna make bitches cry
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
Well, at first I was really confused. But then I realized that he was talking from his penis's perspective... in third person.
He whinnies like a horse when he's cumming. I wish I would have known this before we got into a relationship.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
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