It's what's on the inside that counts(972): They probably have big open vaginas so the inside is no good
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
today's the one month anniversary of me not giving anyone head. can you tell me you're proud
it's sad that this is a milestone
what's with the bloody hand print on the hood of your car
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
I'm buying groceries with adderoll. I hope I'm never this broke again.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
He seduced me by making me nachos. It worked.
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
We need to step in, this can't continue. The guy she went home with last night looked exactly like Count Olaf, right down to the unibrow.
Which version tho, Jim Carrey or Neil Patrick Harris?
THAT DOESN'T FUCKING MATTER, YOU DON'T FUCK COUNT OLAF!!!
Only good thing about the 50 Shades is that it is now completely OK to call a credit card co to dispute the charge for nipple clamps that didnt arrive.
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