I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
It's all fun and games until you rupture a testicle
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
STOP IT RIGHT NOW IM BEING A SINLESS CHILD OF GOD IN BED TRYING TO SLEEP AND YOURE SENDING ME MEMES ABOUT DICKS
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
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