We walked into the bar in The Flying V formation from The Mighty Ducks. We were ready.
theyre doing DJ Khaled impressions again...
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
I woke up in an apt hallway this morning and a nice lady brought me coffee cause she thought I was homeless
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
