Fine. I'll sleep in my office
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
he just kept saying "come on iron man, you can do this!" to himself the whole time..
the last thing i remember is ordering pitchers of white russians....
P.S, i don't recommend doing keg stands on top of vehicles.
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
