I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
My nephew just told me I smell like apathy and regret. Thats the hangover I'm dealing with
Too much alcohol and too many lesbians. I can officially say I have regrets now. At least that's something.
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
It's 3 am and I'm buying cat food and batteries for my vibrator. Good thing I shaved my legs for this.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
Have you ever seen death before? Bc it's me right now in yesterday's clothes.
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
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