Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I just found 17 dollars of saltine crackers in my room. confused incredibly. suprised not at all.
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
it was a whole new experience in the world of ball fondling
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Please God, is a penis possibly making it to vagina town to much to ask for tonight.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
Man. Apparently I blacked out between the 4th margarita and my air mattress. Asleep in my jeans at 10pm. Mom outdrank me again.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
Randomize
