TXT her NOW! The phone is actually IN her Va-Jay-Jay!!
So apparently I told him I was off to go "whore skipping" and I disappeared into the night skipping down the street. I know this because there's video.
I'm at a job interview and I smoked a little before I came. I thought it would make me less nervous. Boy was I wrong.
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I bought a 9 dollar purse from payless so if I throw up in it tomorrow, no biggie.
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
he shit on the floor last night i'm not venturing down there
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
Randomize
